Your first step may be to talk to the older person about their concerns. Mention your concern without sounding critical, for example: “Mom, it seems so. As your parents age, you may notice some signs of deterioration. These can include factors such as poor hygiene, difficulties managing finances or the home, or unexplained injuries.
However, it is important to note that the signs of deterioration are different for each person. Nobody knows your parents like you do. Doing something unusual for them may be the norm for someone else. Even so, it's useful to know the most common warning signs that may indicate a need for assistance.
Niki Gewirtz, with 20 years of experience in the senior housing industry, shares your experience. Talk frankly with your loved one so you can find ways to allow them to help. It can also be helpful to have your loved one's doctor and counselor participate in the conversation. In many cases, your loved one may accept help from others more easily than you, so start looking for home care or housing solutions for the elderly that will provide the help they need.
As an adult child, it can be difficult to broach this topic without coming across as authoritative or disrespectful. Every parent is different, while some may be receptive, others may become combative. The key to starting a conversation about accepting help from an older parent is to start with empathy, using examples to explain what you think, do your research beforehand, and involve family members and professionals. Your parents cared about you and worried about you for the first two decades of your life, and they probably still care about you.
Remember that your parents are adults who have the right to make their own decisions, and sometimes the best thing you can do is to fulfill their wishes. Acknowledge your parents' feelings by telling them that you understand how difficult it can be for them to accept help. Sharing meals, such as in communities for older people, can help if your parents have lost their appetite. And if it's time to move them to an assisted living facility or nursing facility, there are ways to get quality care to ensure that your parents are safe and comfortable. Requesting a home safety evaluation from an occupational therapist through your parents' primary care provider is a good place to start. If you're the medical decision maker (also known as a durable medical power of attorney) and you've made the necessary arrangements to access your parents' health information, for example, through a patient portal, you can help coordinate requests for drug refills.
Dealing with elderly parents can also be frustrating, especially if they refuse your help or advice. Consulting with a geriatric care manager, an attorney who specializes in elder matters, or a financial planner can help you prepare for the future and determine the next steps to take. In addition, if one of your parents lives alone, a domestic assistant can provide you with the necessary support and care, including foster care. In addition, you should make sure that there is good lighting in the house and that the objects that your parents use every day are within easy reach (a stool is not necessary).
If everything else doesn't work, contact your parent's doctor and let them know that you care about your parents' well-being. Starting a dialogue with your parents can be difficult, especially if this is your first time broaching the topic. If your parents are still determined to stay in their four-bedroom home or to keep driving, calmly let them know the possible consequences of their actions. Finally, a medical alert system can give you peace of mind, especially if you don't live close to your elderly parents.
